Last year, I smuggled the Magic 8 Ball into the Infield with me and made a few wagers based on its liquid blue wisdom. The best it could do was assure me Intangaroo was “Very Likely” to win the Humana Distaff. I had fun with it, though, so here we go again!
Oh Magic 8 Ball, will the track dry out in time for the Derby? “Answer Unclear, Ask Again Later” Fine then…
Magic 8 Ball, wise and infalliable, will the Derby winner go off at odds higher than 10-1? “Don’t Bet On It”
Ok, will the morning line favorite wear the roses? “Consult Again Later” Right, right — the ML favorite has scratched. How about the Post Time Favorite? Will that horse win? “The Stars Say NO”
Will the winner break from the auxiliary gate? “Focus And Ask Again” OK, (placing my fingers on my temples) oh honorable Magic 8 Ball, will the winner break from a far outside post position? “YES”
Will the Derby winning jockey be wearing green silks? “Chances Aren’t Good”
Will the Derby winning jockey be a first time winner? “Looks Like YES”
Does it matter if the horse has ever run on a traditional dirt surface? “Cannot Fortell Now” Hmmm…
How about the Godolphin horses? DO they have a shot this year? “So It Shall Be” WOW!! DOes this mean Sheik Mohammed will finally get his Derby winner? “Looks Like Yes” OMG! Will it be Desert Party? “Cannot Foretell Now” Ok, how about Regal Ransom? “Chances Aren’t Good” So it’s gonna be Desert Party, then? “So It Shall Be” That does it, I’m placing my bets now!
Ok, you told me to ask about the track again, will it be a fast track by Derby time? “VERY LIKELY”
SWEET! I don’t know about you, but I’m going to place a couple bucks on Desert Party in the Derby. People have picked winners off stranger methods!